Discounting the gloomy weather and or any other physical ailment it took not long when I realized that I could even plunge into depression for or due to others unreasonable conditions. As people plunge in to severe depression when detoxification of internetholic takes place or any other addiction the withdrawal methods are more or less the same, as on after long relaxing holidays or any other ‘page 3’ parties or shopping spree and many things to count over but that’s not acceptable as we have to take all of this in our stride and poor me here I feel like bursting into tears whenever I have to leave my home or even the prior thought of it gives me a kind of nervous breakdown especially when I think of my kids and every bit of my house adheres on to me strongly as if all in resonating askance telling me not to leave then yes my kids all my leaves, flowers and my plants my birdies etc countless just countless of them, I always don’t feel like doing things which will give you a kick ass start and I love doing things on my own for my own justifying points should be strong enough that why am I doing this ofcourse not primarily everything for money, sometimes I even make a pointer list of all conversations that I had on very day and try to rule out those useless nonsense ones and promising myself not to make such conversations with those people, no discussion on no appraisal review of a subordinate, and from an argument over parking with the neighbor to chat with myself even when I talk to my soul to justify if what I said was right or wrong, there I was found a realistic bitter truth each one of these conversations revolved around the fact of my rational talking and taking stance with someone who is logically right but I never tried to impress the other one in front of me or so as to say I never meant to be a people pleaser, there’s nothing wrong to be nice but also we have to stand by our point if we know we are in the right foothold but yes if I am wrong I would try to rectify myself for sure and that’s me as I don’t believe in temporary solace of being ultra nice the after few moments only you feel miserable and guilty that why do I have to pretend so deafeningly hard knowing that the person on their end is not right, the tendency to make everyone happy clearly backfires at a much deeper level apart from damaging my self esteem which I swear I don’t want to ever in my life, and you know what…
to be continued…